I'm Not That Girl, And He's Not A Hero
by xxmelusinexx
Summary: this is a sort of double song fic between 'i'm not that girl' and Super-chick's 'Hero'. Random thing that came to me and i had to write. What if after the lion cub scene was ot the first time that she sang that song. one-shot.


**This sort of a song fic. I was thinking that maybe when Elphaba sang 'I'm not that girl' it wasn't the first time. And Jacobi's role in this is from Superchick's song called Hero. This is a spur of the moment thing, and I just felt like posting something, so if it needs work you know why. Enjoy.**

Elphaba clawed at her skin with her finger nails until the verdant skin was red and raw.

Tears ran down her face partly from the pane of slowly peeling her flesh off, and partly from the blinding wave of self loathing.

Why couldn't she be normal? Why couldn't she have pretty white porcelain skin like Nessa?

There had been a new boy at the her school he had started three weeks ago and at the start of the second week he sat with her at lunch, talked to her and even called her by her name. Jacobi as the boy had introduced himself was from a center munch and his family had moved to Wend Hardings after being forced of their land by the drought.

He had carried her books and brought her a cookie one day from the lunch line when she'd had no money. He once called her beautiful, and walked her home when he could. She thought that he liked her. that maybe someone had seen past her stupid skin, but no that was not the case.

Then yesterday after two weeks of talking to her, and acting like her friend he suddenly sat with all the other kids and wouldn't even acknowledge her existence when she called his name.

Elphaba corned him one day after school and asked him what was going on. The words still echoed in her head.

_Listen it was a dare to see if I could fit in with those guys. I mean your nice and all, but you're _green. _I was just trying to fit in with the others and Tamar said if I could hang around you for two weeks I was in their group so yeah. It's not like it's important or anything. I bet this happens to you a lot. You're the village green girl for crying out loud. Really why would anyone be your friend? _

"Hands touch, eyes meet, sudden silence, sudden heat. Hearts leap in a giddy whirl, he could be that boy, but I'm not that girl" She sang softly her voice breaking ever so slightly.

"Don't dream too far; don't lose sight of who you are. Don't remember that rush of joy. He could be that boy, I'm not that girl. Every so often we long to steal to land of what might have been, but that doesn't soften the ach we feel when reality sets back in." Her voice choked up and a fresh wave of tears clouded her vision.

Then Celebre walked past and called out to him. Jacobi turned smiled at the redhead and walked off without even sparing a second glance at Elphaba. She watched as her 'friend' walked over to the other girl, kissed her on the cheek to her offered books, linked arms with her and walked down the side walk presumably towards Celebre's home.

"Blithe smile, lithe limb, she who's winsome, she wins him. Red hair with a gentle curl, that's the girl he chose, and heaven knows I'm not that girl." She could barely make a sound as her throat closed and tears ran down her cheeks.

Jacobi had used her as a stepping stone in order to fit in with the other kids. She should have seen it coming. She should have realized that something wasn't quite right, but no she was been blinded by happiness and the fact that someone wanted to talk to her.

"Don't wish don't start wishing only wounds that heart. I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl. There's a girl I know. He loves her so, I'm not that girl." Elphaba curled up on her mattress and cried into her knees. So much for wishing, so much for hoping.

Jacobi was right. What had she been thinking? Nobody cared about Elphaba Thropp. Nobody cared if she was fed or clothed or educated. Just so long as she could sweep and dust and watch after Nessarose. She was a freak and a monster just like her father and school mates said. She would be better off living in the forest with the elves. At least they wouldn't judge her by her skin color.

Elphaba stared at the scares in her forearms and examined the reddish-black marks in her skin. Noting the color change an idea came to her.

If she could get rid of her current green skin maybe new pale skin would take its place. A hopeful smile crossed her lips for a second.

She jumped from her bed and ran across the house to the kitchen. It was late so the few serving girls that had to stay and clean after dinner had already made for home. Elphaba found the knife block and found one with a small blade and a straight edge.

She placed her hand palm side down on the counter placed the blade of the knife on the top of her arm just past her wrist and gently at first dug the knife in gritting her teeth against the pain, and pushed the blade along the length of her arms like she had seen the kitchen girls peel carrots. Her skin came up slowly and her arm blend like a river, but if it meant that she could be beautiful like Celebre likable and possible friend material than she would to this to her entire body.

About the third pass that she made over her arm Frex stormed into the kitchen and demanded to know just what exactly she thought she was doing. Nessa needed help to get ready for bed.

Elphaba looked over at her father with bleary eyes and stared at him uncomprehendingly. She tried to take a shuffle of a step towards him, but slipped in the inconveniently placed pool of blood, and passed out on the floor.

Elphaba woke to the sound of beeping machines, rough sheets and a sickening disinfectant smell. She was in a hospital. Wonderful.

She looked down at her left arm and looked at the thick bandage that went from her hand to her elbow. She was going to be in so much trouble when her father found her awake. This was probably costing him a fortune, and taking time out of his already busy schedule, and who was looking after Nessa. She was going to get the beating of a life time when she got home. If she made it home without Frex dumping her somewhere along the way.

No sooner had the thought occurred to her than Frex walk in the door of the small room. Elphaba stared at her feet. As if not making eye contact would help at this point.

"Fabala what on Oz possessed you to do that to yourself?"

Elphaba's head shot up. He hadn't yelled. He had asked a question and seemed genuinely concerned for her.

"I-I just wanted my skin to be normal" she whispered.

"And skinning yourself helps how exactly" his eye brows were raised high onto his forehead.

"I thought that If I cut off that bad skin then skin that was the right color might grow back" She was once again staring at her feet. Now that she said it out loud to herself it sounded pretty stupid. Like something a five year old would come up with, not a girl who was nearly thirteen.

"Am I in trouble papa" she asked barely audibly.

"No you're not in trouble. Yet" He whispered and Elphaba heard his usual tone. He was mad but he wasn't stupid. If the public knew how he treated his daughter then it was likely he would not be the governor of Munchkin land for very much longer. As soon as they got away from public view she was in for it.

Elphaba sat in her window seat looking out across her home. Her was scared and still green her legs where still purple and black with bruises. As she watched Jacobi and Celebre walked past the front gate hand in hand as if they knew she was watching.

Elphaba sighed. She wasn't meant for love or affection.

She just wasn't that girl and he just wasn't her hero.

**There was a slight rewrite to some lyrics, because I don't want Elphaba to develop crocussaetaphobia (fear of blondes) due to way too many blonde's screwing her over. Go night to all you Wicked lovers thanks for reading and if you could take the time to review I would be ever do delighted. And I have no clue when I'm going to upload the epilogue for The problem with bovine fodder, but I will post one. Maybe i'll challenge myself and make it a happy sappy ending? **


End file.
